PRESS CONFERENCE TRANSCRIPT
"As the Democrat leader in the Senate I call on the Republican chairs of both the Senate and the House Intelligence Committees to call for an independent counsel to investigate shocking new information about Russian interference and the collusion by some members of President's Trump's election campaign staff. This new and relevant information has just come to my attention, and this comes from reliable sources with very convincing fact-checked evidence with a direct bearing on the matters at hand. And we have a representative of the group that provided us with that information with us here today. What we now know is that the parents of some, some, but not all, of the senior members of President Trump's campaign staff were living within a 100 mile radius of Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 at the time of the purported crash of an alien space ship. There are indications that the space ship was not alien at all, but a Russian space craft that had aliens on board. Our government has never confirmed or denied the crash or the origin of the space ship, if one were to have crashed in 1947. Now the interesting part of this is that soon after the crash, which may or may not have taken place, some, but not all, of the parents of some, but not all, of the senior members of President Trump's campaign staff became involved in various political activities that in turn motived some, but not all, of the senior members of President Trump's campaign staff to also become interested in politics which in turn lead to some, but not all, of these individuals to work as senior members of President Trump's campaign staff. Now, we all know how the game is played. Politics is politics. However, there is more revealing information of great interest that shines a bright light on this matter. The crux of the matter is that some, but not all, of those senior members of President Trump's campaign staff, who, prior to joining President Trump's campaign staff, and I will emphasis here, as senior members, and involved in political activities prior to joining the staff, as were their parents before them, all, all were possibly exposed to extra-terrestrial biological contamination due to exposure caused by the dispersal by wind blowing over the crash site which may or may not have been a crash site, which is under investigation at this time. The exposure caused by the dispersal by wind could, and I cannot emphasize this point strongly enough, could have, in all probability, opened up the possibility of the potential for, some, but not all of those senior members of President Trump's campaign staff, to be the objects of blackmail operations conducted by nefarious elements of Russian intelligence services bent on influencing the election in favor of President Trump, despite the recent recantations of testimony of senior intelligence officials. The nature of the potential blackmail is still under investigation by the Counter Intelligence Branch of the Federal Bureau of Investigation working in coordination with the appropriate offices of the Justice Department. All that said, the only gray area in all this is just how the Russians might have been able to coerce some, but not all, of the senior members of President Trump's campaign staff, and what they did to potentially create a situation that had a direct and overarching effect on the outcome of the election. Now we will hear from the representative of the group who brought this damning evidence to our attention. And I will now introduce ....what was your name again?
"Obediah."
"Yes, ah, what is your last name?"
"Obediah."
"Your last name is Obediah?"
Yeaer. I'm Obediah Obediah. Ma fullerest t'name 's Obediah Obediah Obediah. Ya be see'an, mi Paps 's Obediah Obediah Sr.. All't h's life evr'tabody jes a'call'n 'em Sr., bee'ta'caus' non'tabody din'n liken say'n Obediah Obediah, ant non'tabody coud'n bee a'call'n em Obediah causen the't 's mi Papi's name, Obediah. It alt'theways confus'ded one' to ta udder, th'n Papi saided ta evr'taone, a'sayen mi Papa 'hetabee a'call'n Sr., an a'call'n em emsilf Obediah. Papa, 'e hater'd it. When ta time I's ta be a bornded, 'h deedn't wan I's ta bee havert t'be a'call'n Jr., acausen Papi wadn't quit nird'd deed yet, ya knowt't, Papi keept hold'd on t'atit. N' Papa bin a'call'n mi Obediah Obediah Obediah. Coursen thit's a bitta mout t'a'full, Obediah Obediah Obediah, 'n folkses jest tookern ta a'call'n mi three O, but'n asome jest saided thirty ta bee funn'n. I kinder lik'ta id. But'n Papi 'n Papa bothen gits's kilt. Now'd I'd bee jest Obediah, ya knowd'd, kinder alik'n ta bee honor'd'd mi Papi who's useted ta bee a'call'n Obediah 'n mi Papa bee alwaysen awantin t'be a'call'd Obidiah a'all'n 's life long'd. Jest bee a'call'n mi Obediah a'lik'n aftern mi Papi. Ifin ya bee'n ta'want'n, ya kin bee a'call'n mi Obediah' a'liken aftern wh't ma Papa was a'want'n ta bee a'call'd. Did'n't don't'n bee mattern a'none ta mi t'tall.
"OK, Obediah. The reporters are going to ask you some questions. And, uh, it is very important that you keep your answers short and to the point. Can you do that?"
"Shure. Short'n ta th point."
"OK. Let's see. Who's first? Yes, you, go ahead."
"Jesse Watters. Fox News. Ah, Mr. Obediah, can you tell me about your group? What's it's name? How large is it? And how do you conduct your research and what are your verification procedures?
"Ah, Obediah.... remember, short and to the point."
"Yeah. OK. Ma group b' be'n AAA Junk Haulin. It b' mi n' mi cousin. His name ...."
"You don't need to tell me your cousin's name Mr. Obediah. What about your research methodology and verification procedures?"
"Yeah. OK. Ma cousin gotta metal detectioner, we's go out ta Sundays a lookin, n' if er beeps, well, we be dig er right up."
"O.K. Can you specify how many families the senator mentioned lived in the area of the .... the place where the crash... uh, may have been?"
"Yeah. OK. Jest ta one. Johnsons."
"And how many children did the Johnson's have?"
"Yeah. OK. Jest ta one. Johnny."
"And the Johnsons were politically active?
"Yeah. OK. Voter'ded evry election."
"They voted. Ah, Mr. Obediah. Let me take a guess and ask, does the wind blow all the time where you live?"
"Yeah. OK. Pert near all ta time. Day n night. How'd you'd bee knowin?
"Because, I'm Jesse Watters, and this is....oh never mind. One more question for you Senator Schumer.
"Yes."
"Are you on drugs? Coke? Meth?"
"That's classified."
Submitted May 12, 2017 at 05:25AM by DES_0166 http://ift.tt/2q8CFRs